How many times have you said man I wish I had an accountability partner? I know I’ve said that too many times to count and I’m sure you have to. What do you do when that’s not possible? As much as we would love to have an accountability partner one isn’t always available and sometimes the partner you have needs help with accountability themselves. So for today’s episode I want to help you learn how to be accountable for yourself. I am going to give you some tips and tools so that you don’t have to depend on others to ensure that you achieve your goals and so I hope to inspire you to hold yourself accountable.
If only I had an accountability partner I’d work out. If only I had an accountability partner I’d finish my work on time. If only I had an accountability partner I’d [insert whatever that thing is here]. We’ve all been there. Believing that if we had the help, the over-watch, the checking in of another person that we would be further along than we currently are. Yes, in many cases the saying two is better than one is true. It would be great we had someone to do everything with us whenever we needed the motivation. But that’s not quite how life works. And for good reason.
Way too often we are giving the power of our consistency, discipline, and success into the hands of this person who supports us and wants us to do well. I have done this so many times. I’ve gone to my husband to be my accountability partner. I’ve gone to my sisters. I’ve gone to my friends to help me stay on track. And every time the same thing eventually happens. I fall off. Was it their fault? Nope, and here’s why. They weren’t the one who fell off...I was. I recall trying to be more healthy and work out at home. I was anti gym and convinced myself that I could work out consistently from home...with the right accountability partner of course...because that’s what really matters (not). So I go to one of the healthiest people I know, my husband and ask him to be my accountability partner. Of course he’s ready and he makes a schedule for me and everything. And he even volunteers to work out with me. How sweet right. So I’m going strong for a while and then one day, after a very long day, he asks “did you work out today?” I’m like nah, not today, I’m tired, I’ll do it tomorrow. He pushes me a little bit but I reassure him I’ll make it up tomorrow. Long story short that one day of not working out turns into a month. During that time, my accountability partner continues to do his job. He asked me, he encouraged me, he pushed me. But what ended up happening is that the truth about accountability partners came out and that is that they have pseudo power. Because the fact of the matter is that your accountability partner can’t MAKE you do anything. At the end of the day it’s still up to you. And this is a very important fact that I think many people miss. The accountability partner can do their job, or not, but it’s still up to you to get things done.
Now don’t get me wrong, it does help to have someone in your corner pushing you and challenging you, but that is not enough to make things happen. It’s the work from the person who is truly accountable, and that’s you. I often have people come to therapy and one of the reasons they say they are there is because they need an accountability partner. And I always explain to them...I’m definitely going to be here to hold you accountable, but that alone doesn’t guarantee that you will reach your goals because you still have to do the work.
So if you’ve been stuck recently wishing and praying that you had someone to hold you accountable I’m here to tell you your prayer has been answered! You indeed have someone! And that someone is you! You have to be your own accountability partner. I’m not telling you to get rid of your tribe, but I’m telling you to depend more on your own drive and your own encouragement than that of others.
So let’s talk about why it’s important that you are your main accountability partner and then we will talk about how to be that for yourself.
So this is what I’ve learned over the years. If you need to have someone to push you to reach your goal, you don’t want it bad enough. You’re either not ready or you don’t care enough about it. I had to realize that the reason why I would quit working out so easily, even with an external accountability partner, is because I didn’t care enough about it. And that was just the truth. I encourage you to take an honest look at the goals you’ve been struggling to be consistent with and ask yourself why? Ask yourself how important is this to you. Ask yourself what is it costing you NOT to pursue this goal with all your might. There will lie the true reason why you haven’t been disciplined in your work.
After doing this you may need to reevaluate your goals. You may need to reassess your priorities and figure out what truly matters to you. After you take a long look at your goals and you determine that you are ready to be consistent. You are ready to be disciplined. You are ready to do the work without having someone to be accountable for you, you have to plan.
The saying goes if you fail to plan then you plan to fail. So here are a few things I encourage you to do while you’re planning to succeed and basically be your own accountability partner.
The first tip is to step out of your comfort zone. Often times the things that we struggle with accounts are things that have been a struggle for years. I’ve struggles with physical fitness for years and it’s been an up and down battle. For some it’s dieting. For others it’s spirituality. For some it’s consistency with professional goals. Whatever your thing is you’ve probably been in this cycle where you try something, then fall off. You try it again, then fall off. Over and over and over. But I want to challenge you to do something different. Sometimes you have to level up. You have to take things a step further to ensure that you are accountable and consistent. So instead of trying the method you always try, maybe go a different route. I’ll use myself as an example. As I stated earlier, I’ve always been anti gym and tried working out at home. Whether it’s using YouTube, DVD, downloadable plans, I’ve always just tried to manage it by myself. Recently I got very serious and sick and tired of being sick and tired and I decided to step out of my comfort zone. I joined a kickboxing gym for women. I now pay a monthly fee to work out. I have trainers. And you best believe I’m now in there 3 times per week. I leveled up so that I HAD to hold myself accountable or I was gonna lose out. Do you may need to take things a step further. Do the thing that scares you. Do the thing that requires commitment. If you want to work on spirituality and what you’ve been doing on your own isn’t working, join a church and better yet, join a ministry at the church. If you want to work on achieving your goals, level up, hire a coach. If you’re working on dieting, work with a nutritionist. Do the thing that you’ve been avoiding doing because that may be the thing that takes you to the next level. So that is tip number one, to step out of your comfort zone.
My next tip that will help you be accountable for yourself is to get organized. And the best way to become and stay organized is to use your colander and alarms. Take advantage of that expensive phone you have and put everything that you need to do on your calendar. I know many of us use our calendar for work, but it’s beneficial to use it for your personal life as well. Instead of having a friend remind you to work toward your goal, set a reminder on your phone. Set a time each day that you need to work on that thing. Get detailed and specific. If you were to look at my colander you’d see sessions scheduled, you’d see consultations scheduled, you’d also see days where I am to write, times where I am to workout, alarms that remind me to read, days where I am to do research. EVERYTHING I need to do is there! So that no one needs to hold me accountable. No one needs to babysit me. So pull out that calendar app. I use google calendar. And start planning your success. No task is too small, no reminder is too insignificant. Just give it a try.
My last tip is to make the choice. Y’all, most of the issues we have with consistency, discipline, and accountability are mental. It’s a mindset struggle. Because each day you have to make the mental decisions to do what needs to be to in order to achieve what you say is important to you. What decision you make is going to then determine what action you physically take. You have to get serious. You have to become determined. You have to choose to get up everyday and do it. Even though you may not want to. You may be tired. You may be scared. But you have to try. Give it some effort.
Guys listen. I’m not telling you go call your friends and mentors up and tell them you don’t need them to help you anymore. Because even if your self accountability game is on point it’s always nice to have a support system who’s there for you. But what I don’t want you to do is to run those people ragged bc they’re constantly helping you with the same issues over and over. You have got to try. Give it some effort. I’m sure if your friend came to you saying you she needed you to help her by being her accountability partner you’d jump at the opportunity and go all out for them. I’m asking you to give yourself that same energy. Help yourself the way you’d help others. You can do this.
So I hope that you feel inspired to take the lead in your journey to success. To step outside of comfort zone to take yourself to the next level. And to make the choice everyday to do what needs to be done to create the life that you desire.
So until next time stay encouraged and inspire someone else along the way.