When you got out of the bed this morning and looked in the mirror what did you see? What did you think? No what did you REALLY focus in on and think to yourself. Did you notice a few new wrinkles around your eyes? Did you think to yourself that you need to work out? Maybe you woke you and told yourself just how bomb you are? Or maybe you were the exact opposite and when you look at yourself you’re flooded by negative thoughts. That inner dialog you had with yourself may be a representation of your self-esteem level. We live in a society where we are constantly getting opinions on how we should look, how we should behave, and what we should be doing, but when it comes down to it, your self-esteem is determined by…well, you. And unfortunately, many of us are walking around with low self-esteem and confidence in ourselves. Maybe you were picked on as a kid. Maybe you were in a toxic relationship. Or maybe you just don’t think you’re as pretty as the women you follow on Instagram. Whatever the reason, I want to help you see what YOU can do everyday to increase your self-esteem and so for this episode I want to inspire you to Love Yourz.
So if you didn’t know let me inform you that my favorite Rapper is J. Cole and one of my favorite songs of his is called Love Yourz. It’s on the 2014 Forest Hills Drive album and throughout the song he reminds us that “there’s no such thing as a life that’s better than yours” so you should love yourz. Sounds easy to enough, right? Live your live, love your life, and be happy. Oh if only it were that easy. The reason I know it’s not that easy is because I see women every week who deal with low self-esteem. One article that I came across said 4 in 5 women have low self-esteem! Yall that’s astounding! And you’d also be surprise to learn that having lots of money doesn’t matter, looks don’t matter, titles don’t matter. There are women and men who have all of these things and they still have low self-esteem. So how can that be? You mean to tell me I can have the job, car, husband, kids, 40 aceres and a mule and still not be confident in myself. Yes! Why? Because all of those things are external. Self-esteem in an inside job. It’s all mental and all about how you think about thing and thus how you feel about these things.
Self-esteem being an inside job means that things such as compliments don’t matter as much. Yes, having someone tell you that you look nice may feel good in the moment, but because it came from the outside, that feeling won’t last long. Sure enough, sooner or later your true feelings will take over. There are many women in relationships or on social media fishing and desperate for compliments from their significant other or other people because they think it will make them feel better. And it does for a moment, but until you feel that way about yourself, none of those other people’s compliments will truly make a difference. No amount of makeup, clothes, shoes, or jewelry can cover up low self-esteem. This is something that you have to fix from the inside and then you’ll see the results on the outside. So I’m going to share with you 5 ways that you can increase your self-esteem. And with constant practice and work you’ll begin to feel better on the inside, which is what matters most.
So, tip number one is saying positive self-affirmations. I’m sure a few of you probably rolled your eyes and sucked your teeth when you heard me say affirmations. I know, I know, saying affirmations is just so cliché just like journaling and you probably think it’s weird to talk to yourself out loud, but hear me out. This is my first tip for a reason. It is critical that you gain control of what’s roaming around in your mind. Developing your own affirmations requires you to be conscious of what you are saying about yourself. Here’s the thing about affirmations. You are ALWAYS affirming something, whether you are aware of it or not. Your mind is always affirming something. And if you have low self-esteem its more than likely that your mental affirmations are negative, and you may not be aware of it. Some of our thoughts are so automatic that we don’t even realize that we are having them. There are times when you’ve looked at a picture of yourself and automatically said 5 different negative things about yourself and you ain’t even know it. I know that may be hard to believe but if you took some time today and really paid attention to what you say to yourself, you may be surprised at what you think. There are times when we make mistakes and before we can correct ourselves our mind has affirmed that we aren’t smart, we can’t do it, we are going to fail, and so on. Automatic thoughts happen, but let me give you the cheat code right quick and that is developing your own automatic thoughts. Create your own affirmations and if you recite them and employ them enough they will become your automatic thoughts. The best way to create affirmations is to begin with “I am” phrases. Things like I am beautiful. I am intelligent. I am a successful business woman. I am a great mother to my children. I am confident. And so on. Don’t be afraid to be very specific about who and what you are. It’s even more helpful when you take the things you’re struggling with and flip them from negative to positive affirmations. So this way the next time you make a mistake instead of a flood of negative thoughts you’ll have you automatic thoughts such as I can do this, I am intelligent, I am successful, and so on. So the first step is to recognize your internal dialogue, then write out your affirmations, then begin to say them. Begin to pour into yourself daily and nightly. It may sound weird saying these things out loud to yourself, but it will be worth it. Your self-esteem will thank you.
Tip number 2 is no comparing. Guys, I’ll say it until I don’t have to say it no more…comparison kills! It can kill your self-esteem. Comparison is one of those things that you take in externally but it can effect internally. So I’ve talked a lot about comparison in the past but today I want you to try and practice taking information for what it is, nothing more, nothing less. If you see a beautiful woman…just acknowledge that and move on. If you hear about someone achieving a goal, acknowledge it and move on. What I don’t want you to do is see or hear about it, acknowledge it, then internalize it and begin to compare it to what you have going on. That’s where the danger lies. Don’t make everything about you. When you see stuff and you automatically begin to apply it to your life and how you don’t have it or how you wish you were that way or how you want to go on that vacation, that’s when you begin to compare and feel bad about what you have going on. News flash…everything doesn’t have to be about you. What other people are doing most of the times has nothing to do with you, so why make it that way? Don’t allow yourself to have negative feelings in reference to what other people have. Love yourz and focus on yours. Acknowledge what you see, but focus on you. That way your self-esteem doesn’t take a hit.
Tip number 3 is self-care. Now I’ve been know to preach about the importance of self care. Yall know how I feel about therapy and doing things to help you stay mentally strong, but today I want to focus on physical self care because honestly many people’s low self-esteem is in reference to their physical appearance. I remember as a kid when I didn’t feel good and I had been laying around the house looking a mess because I felt a mess my dad would say go fix yourself up, go get dressed, go do your hair. If you look better you’ll feel better. Now he wasn’t saying I looked bad, but he know that I wasn’t trying either. So one way to feel better about yourself is to take care of your outer appearance. Let’s be real…almost every woman feels good when they look good. I know you can’t tell me nothing when my hair is done and I got on a cute outfit. Listen…ok, my self-esteem is on 10 then, lol. Now this isn’t about looking good, but it’s about doing things that make you feel good on the inside. If getting a mani and pedi feels good to you, go for it. If letting someone do your hair makes you feel good, go for it. If getting dressed up every now and then gives you some pep in your step, do it. This isn’t about vanity, but about doing things that make you feel good on the inside. As mom who is constantly surrounded by her children, it feels good when I get the chance to get dolled up and go out with my husband. This is just a part of taking care of yourself. I’m not talking about going full Kardashian mode and changing who you are, lol. I’m talking about doing a few things that you enjoy that will put a smile on your face to help you feel better. So that’s tip number 3, implementing some self care.
Now, on to tip number 4 and that is to gain knowledge. Another reason why people have low self-esteem is because of a lack of confidence in themselves and their abilities. This can be especially true for high achieving women in their careers, college students, and new moms who aren’t quite sure if they’re doing things right. The best way to combat this is to gain knowledge. Knowledge is power, for real. Knowing that you know things that are important to you can be a game changer to your self-esteem. So this may require you to read more. If you don’t have time to sit and read a physical book, there’s always audio books. You can take trainings in your career to increase your knowledge. You can listen to podcasts that help you become more knowledgeable on topics important to you. Just think about how much more confident you will be in yourself when you go into the board room and you know that if you’re asked a question you can answer it. Or how much more confident you’ll be if when it’s time for open discussion in the class room you actually know the material. Preparation is key. Now granted, we can’t prepare for everything in our lives, but some of us could put in a little more effort. Knowing that you know something is empowering. Knowing that you have information to offer is empowering. Knowing that what you have to add is of value is empowering and this can increase your self-esteem. So try reading more, studying more, listening more and see if you begin to feel better because of the knowledge you are putting into yourself.
My last tip to help increase your self-esteem is to be grateful. I talked about the importance of gratitude in episode 14 An Attitude of Gratitude and today I want you to understand how shifting your focus to gratitude can change your outlook. Low self-esteem can be a result of constantly looking at your glass as half empty. Intentionally thinking about all the reasons you have to be grateful requires you to shift that mindset. You go from being half empty to half full. You go from woe is me, to thank God for me. You go from I don’t have to look at what I’ve been blessed with. Gratitude is a game changer and I recommend that people do it every single day. Every night, write down what you are grateful for. Every morning pray and thank God for the things you are grateful for. Write down 3 good things that happened to you each day. When you fill yourself up with gratitude, you don’t have much room for low self-esteem. The sun is shining too bright for you to be sad. Your day went too well for you to be down about that one thing that didn’t happen. You feel too good about yourself to care that the number on the scale hasn’t changed. You’ve accomplished too much to care about what others have going on. Use gratitude to catapult your self-esteem. Being grateful won’t just increase your self-esteem, but it will change your overall quality of life.
So there you have it guys, 5 ways to increase your self-esteem. Self affirmations, no comparing, self-care, gaining knowledge, and being grateful are all ways to take your self-esteem to another level. So take some time today and see how you are going to implement a few or all of these tips into your daily routine. If you’ve struggled with low self-esteem just know that it doesn’t have to stay that way. Only YOU can make the change as self-esteem is an inside job so lets start working on our insides.
So I hope you feel inspired to affirm positive things about yourself, to send time focusing on you and what makes you feel good inside, and to remember nobody’s life is better than yours, so love yourz like only you can.
So until next time stay encouraged and inspire someone else along the way.