So yall, things have been very heavy recently. The craziest thing is, that my life, my personal life, is great. But every time I get on social media or turn on the news it looks like things are going from bad to worse. A few weeks ago Nipsey Hussle died and I didn’t know that man…but I felt genuine sadness for his family that lasted for days and I know I’m not alone in those feelings. I’ve seen and read about people who aren’t connected with tragedies and situations yet they feel depressed and anxious, having trouble sleeping, and racing thoughts due to these events. Many of us are being sucked in emotionally by what is going on around us. Being able to empathize with others is one thing, but what do you do when you are literally taking on other’s situation and feelings as your own? In todays episode I want to help you understand what it means to be an empath and how to mange the barrage of news that is constantly coming at you in a healthy way. And so I want to inspire you to…manage the emotions.
So 2019 has been a doozy yall. From all the political drama, plane crashes, surviving R. Kelly, and a host of people losing their lives…it’s been crazy. And people are emotionally connected with these stories, even though they aren’t personally connected to it. I remember when the surviving R. Kelly documentary came out and so many people were triggered by it and had troubling feeling for days. I didn’t watch the documentary because all the back and forth and arguing online was enough for me mentally. Just cutting on cnn for a few minutes is enough to make your blood pressure rise and worry about your future. For me personally, late last year when Kim Porter passed away, who used to date Puffy and is the mother of several of his children, I was literally hurt by it and I’ve never met that woman a day in my life. But I was shook, I was sad, and I was even slightly anxious, because she was a young mother who was taken what feels like is too soon.
So that takes us to the most recent event that seemed to shock the community and that is the death of rapper and community activist Nipsey Hussle. It was such a shocking and sad incident and when it happened all I could think about was his family…his girlfriend, his children, everyone who knew him and loved him. I knew that I was sad, and I didn’t know him so I couldn’t imagine how they felt. With every detail of his unfortunate death being put on the news and especially the internet, including videos, it can be overwhelming. I heard of people who had been crying for days, feeling depressed, and heavily mourning due to his death. I was alive when Tupac and Biggie died. I was alive when Aaliyah passed…this kinda has the same feeling to it. People are feeling a lot of emotions and I don’t believe they know what to do with it.
Listen, empathizing, feeling sad, and caring for what goes on around you and to others is completely fine and healthy. It’s important to be able to relate to others, to feel for others, to be able to connect emotionally with what other’s are going through…but for some it goes to a heightened level and those individuals are often called “empaths.” An empath is a person who feels and absorbs other people’s emotions and/or physical symptoms because of their high sensitivities. They also often have a difficult time expressing their feelings intellectually. Empath’s can be highly sensitive, easy to talk to, and the biggest thing is that they take on other people’s mood, good or bad. I’m sure some of us have some empath tendencies at time, I know I do, and there isn’t anything WRONG with being an empath. Just like there isn’t anything wrong with being an emotional person, a sensitive person, or an empathetic person. But while there’s nothing wrong with being an empath, it can be tiresome and taxing to constantly be in such a high emotional state. It can be draining to hear about other people’s situation and to find yourself thinking about it all day. And this can be especially exhausting because there is soooo much going on in the world that every second something troublesome is happening. I don’t want you to be an emotional slave to society. It is ok to feel for others and for what is going on, but I want to ensure that these feelings don’t take you down a road of negative thoughts and uncontrollable emotions.
So let’s talk about ways to handle all of these emotions so that you guys can manage all of this information that is being thrown at you daily. So the first step is the first step in many different aspects of life and that is acknowledgement. You cannot change what you don’t acknowledge. So before you can work out your emotions you have to recognize and admit that you’re feeling some type of way. You can start by simply acknowledging that you feel sad…that this situation hurt you…that you’re angry…that you feel nervous because of what just happened…whatever your feeling…acknowledge it! Nothing get’s done or accomplished by pretending these feelings aren’t there. So first, acknowledge that you have some feelings about these situations.
Another thing that you can do to manage your emotions is to express yourself…in a healthy manner of course. Now let me just put it out there…commenting and clapping back, and fussing with people in the comments on Instagram, facebook, and twitter is not a healthy way to express yourself, lol. Normally, that makes things worse because you just continue to take on all the anger and aggression and nastiness in the comments. If you wanna help yourself, how about don’t even read the comments…that can totally mess up your mood! That’s another episode for another day. But what I want you to do is to talk to your tribe…talk to your therapist…talk to your family…not just about the event, but about your feelings. Too often we just go along talking about things we’ve seen or heard (more like gossiping about it), but we aren’t truly open and honest about how it’s effecting us. There have been times that I’ve watched the news and saw another black male (adult or child) being shot and killed by the police and while I would talk to my family about the situation, I wouldn’t really say much about how it made me feel. I eventually began telling my husband about how these incidents made me anxious, and scared, and nervous for his and the other men in my family’s safety. Guys it’s not enough to just talk about stuff on the news and in the media…you gotta talk about how this stuff makes you feel. Don’t hold it in. Don’t be afraid to share your feelings because I promise you’re not alone. And if you don’t feel confident that the people in your circle will be understanding, again, talk to a therapist. It’s our job for that hour to only care about you want your emotions. And if that isn’t an option for you (even though I don’t know why it isn’t), journal and write about it. So express yourself…in a healthy way, of course.
So know that you’ve acknowledged your feelings and expressed them…I want you to prepare for the future, because unfortunately, these type of things will continue to happen so I want you to know your triggers. Listen…scary movies stress me out, so I don’t go see them (so no I haven’t seen US by Jordan Peele, which I heard isn’t scary but I’m still not trying it). Right now eating certain sea foods makes me sick…so I don’t eat them. When you know that something isn’t good for you, it may be best to limit your interaction with it. If the news is triggering…cut back on watching it. If social media is stressful…cut back on scrolling through it. If everytime you talk to that friend it’s doom and gloom and that messes up your mojo…limit your conversations. Don’t be a glutton for punishment and continue to place yourself in front of your trigger day in and day out. Now I get it, you can’t live in a bubble, and some things that are triggering need to be addressed to help you be able to handle it better, but let’s be honest…some of this stuff isn’t necessary. If you’re honest with yourself and think about it, many of the things we are triggered by don’t directly affect us. Quite frankly there are probably things that we really should be worried about that directly affect us but they aren’t on our radar because we’re too distracted by other stuff. Go unfollow the shaderoom. What these celebrities are doing in their lives have nothing to do with your life. Stop reading about every tweet Trump puts out making your anxiety high. Take the push notification off your phone. You don’t need to be alerted everything something happens. See if you are doing things that contribute to you being triggered more than you have to. Guard your time and put in boundaries for those who drain you. Replace those triggers with things that will improve and calm your mood. Implement some self care in your life. Spend some time focusing on yourself. One thing that many empaths and people who deal with anxiety use to help calm themselves is sitting in nature. Now I’m not sure where you live and how the weather is, but if you can take a few minutes to sit outside or go for a walk. Take your thoughts off of what is going on in your head and put them on what you can see, hear, and feel around you. Doing this is called grounding yourself and I guide some of my clients through this process. It’s when you focus on what is real…things you can see, hear, and feel and it is a big help when dealing with anxiety. So give that a try while managing your emotions and your triggers.
Lastly, I want you to live your life. Yall one thing that all these events have taught me is that some things are out of my control. And because of that you should go hard everyday. What I mean is you should smile as much as you can. Laugh as much as you can. Spend time with people who matter and doing things that you love. Life is precious and too short to spend it depressed, anxious, and mad if you can help it. Be intentional with your time and spend it living with no regrets. Don’t live in fear of what may come or what may happen. Don’t let the situations around you stop you from moving forward with your dreams. If anything, let them motivate you to do your best while you can. One of the most beautiful things I’ve seen from the passing of Nipsey Hussle is his impact. If that man wasn’t busy living his best life, chasing his dreams, running his marathon while he was alive he wouldn’t have the impact he has right now. So go be the best mom to your kids that you can. Be the most supportive spouse you can be. Go on adventures, challenge yourself to think big and achieve big. Take those emotions and let them encourage you to live your life the best way possible.
Guys, the emotions that we feel when we see our brothers and sisters going through hard times are natural. If you are one of those people who have heighten sensitivity and you really get sucked in, it’s ok. Just acknowledge your feelings, express your emotions in a healthy manner, know and limit your triggers until you learn how to handle them, and live your life in a way that inspires others to do the same.
So I hope that you feel inspired to learn how to deal with everything that’s going on around you. To ask for help in unpacking these feelings if you need it. And to know that feeling empathy and being understanding is what makes you such a beautiful person, so lets make sure we are expressing those emotions in a healthy way.
So until next time stay encouraged and inspire someone else along the way.