So, a lot has been going on over the last few days. The news has been plastered with tragedies that are unthinkable and spark fear. My family and I just moved to El Paso, TX about 2 weeks ago. We went shopping at Walmart the night before the tragic shooting so this tragedy was very triggering for me, as it probably is for many of you. To see people just living their life and then to have their life taken can cause fear, anxiety, and is traumatic for many people. So today we are going to discuss what to do with these feelings, how move through life without being overtaken by fear and anxiety, and how to support those who are struggling with this new reality in our society. And so I hope to inspire you to fight the fear.
So guys I had a totally different episode planned for today, but after the news of a mass shooting in the city where I live really shook me. I knew I had to address this immediately. First I want to say my prayers are with the families of those who have been effected by these horrific events that have taken place. So for those of you who don’t know I am a military spouse and over the past few very looooong weeks my family and I moved across the country from Maryland to El Paso, TX. We are still getting settled in here, but so far it has been a good experience and we’ve met some really nice people here. So to be going about our morning on Saturday and to have our phones going off and the tvs blasting alarms about an active shooter in a store that’s only 30 minutes away from your house was truly shocking. After watching the news and seeing the videos of people laying on the ground shot and others hiding while you hear gun shots in the background really made me emotional. As I watched the news all the thoughts of sadness for the victims and their families, just swirled in my head, but I also had feelings of being able to relate to those who were hiding afraid and waiting to see what their fate would be. To see people frantic trying to find out if their loved ones are ok or not. I know how that feels. My family knows how that feels. If you’ve listened to episode 22 I tell the story of my traumatic experience and seeing the traumatic experience that others are having can be triggering. This is why when I mention dealing with trauma I use the work overcoming. It is always a process. You never just get over something traumatic that you go through. You never just forget the memories. But you become better at handling your thoughts and emotions when the anxiety arises. So before I could write this episode up and record it, ANOTHER shooting occurred in Ohio and I got on social media I kept seeing the words fear and afraid everywhere. People are unsure, people are worried, people are anxious, people are afraid, people are fearful because things are happening and we don’t feel in control of what is happening.
So what do we do with these feelings and emotions and how do we not let it paralyze us? Well, the first step is to acknowledge your feelings. This is a crucial part of the process. Now for many people, they aren’t phased by what has happened. Too often people see these types of things happen and they just brush it off as just another incident. They’ve seen it so much that they don’t really think about it, they’ve become desensitized to it, which isn’t healthy. But if you feel something. If you’ve been triggered, you must acknowledge it. You can talk to someone about it, or you can at least acknowledge it to yourself. Take some time to really sit and figure out what emotions you are feeling and why. Talk to your friends, your support system about how you are feeling. Don’t be afraid to share that you’re nervous or anxious because of what is happening. You can’t address what you don’t acknowledge. And others can help you if you never tell them what’s on your mind. The thing about experiencing something traumatic is that the memory never goes away. You can’t tell someone to get over it, because you don’t just forget what has happened. But if that person never addresses it, never goes to counseling, never goes to a support group, never talks to someone they trust, they cannot begin to overcome. This is a tough step for any people because they feel like acknowledging the emotion is weak. This is why you have so many people who turn to alcohol, drugs, sex, food, and other things to cope. You’ve got to acknowledge how you feel. On Saturday I had to admit to myself how I was feelings. Then I went to my husband and said, I’m feeling anxious today. All of this has been triggering to me and from there I was able to process my feelings and move from there. How have you been handling what you’ve been seeing? Have you even acknowledged that you feel some type of way about what is going on in society? Whether it’s anger, sadness, frustration, confusion, fear, or anxiety you have to admit to it and then you can commit to working through it.
So if you acknowledge your feeling and realize that you’re feeling anxious here are a few things you can do in the moment to calm yourself: take deep breaths, recite your mantra, go for a walk to clear your mind, and focus on your surrounding and your senses to help take your mind off of your trigger for a moment. Doing these things can help you in the moment.
Now before I talk about what to do after you’ve acknowledged these emotions, I want to tell you how you can support someone who is feeling anxious and worried, and you may not be. Be sure to ask your friends and family if they are ok. Have conversations about what’s going on. Silence solves nothing so try to have open and honest conversations about what is going on. Now here are a few things I don’t recommend that you do. Please don’t way things to make others feel as if something is wrong with them for feeling emotional. Don’t way things like “get over it” or “you didn’t know them why do you care” or say things like “that happened so long ago, you still dealing with that?” Guys I know these sound like common sense things, but I promise common sense isn’t very common. Sometimes when people can’t relate to others they can become insensitive and have a hard time empathizing. And lastly, if you aren’t sure what to say, just listen. Don’t say anything, but make others feel comfortable enough to talk to you about their feelings. A listening ear at times can be more helpful than giving advice.
So after you’ve acknowledged your feelings you then have to determine what you’re going to do about it. When stuff like this typically happens it triggers a panic and fear response in people. When my mom found out about the shooting her response to me was to “stay in the house.” Now I know she means well and she’s just looking out for my wellbeing, but many of us have that flight mentality after something like this happens. The fear overtakes us and we just want to stay inside. I can’t go to Walmart anymore. I can’t go to the movies anymore. I can’t go out downtown anymore. And so on. But I’m here to challenge you today and ask, what kind of life is that. If you let the fear win, you’ve let the terrorist win. That was their goal. To provoke fear in us. But we must fight it. You have to fight the desire to live in a bubble and never come out of it. Here’s the hard truth…you are obligated to fight the fear. Yes, it is your responsibility to do so. If you don’t fight it, what kind of life will you live? What kind of life will your family live? If you decide, you know what, that’s it for me and public places, I’m done because I can’t trust anybody. Think about how limiting your future will be. Think about how limiting the future of those who come after you will be. I’ll just myself as an example. If I would have let my traumatic experience keep me stuck in the house, afraid to go out, afraid to be by myself, what would my life be like? I’m sure I wouldn’t be where I am today, because the fear would have kept me from doing the things necessary to live this life.
I’ve explained in the past the main way to overcome anxiety and fear are to do it anyway. Do that thing that you’re afraid of so that you can prove to yourself that you can handle it. The same rule applies here. Don’t stay home. Don’t plant the seed of fear into your children to stay inside. Be smart of course and be aware, but don’t shrink yourself. Live your life. Remember that you are setting an example as there are always people looking at you. You are a leader, whether you know it or not. You have a responsibility to those who depend on you to try and continue to overcome your fear and anxiety every day. Acknowledge it but push through.
I cannot imagine what the families of the victims are going through. But my prayer for them is that they live. Not that they forget about their loved one or what has happened to them, but that they reverence them daily by living! That they wake up everyday and choose to go out and be a beacon of strength in the world. Guys we have to fight the fear. There is so much in this world that we cannot control. All we can do is control how we respond and I’m asking you to fight the fear. To live your life with purpose. And to be kind to one another.
So I hope that you feel inspired to get in tune with your feelings during this tragic time, to support others as they work to process their emotions, and to push past the fear by living your life to the fullest. Make the best of the time we have it, because it truly is a blessing.
So until next time stay encouraged and inspire someone else along the way.