So have you ever had a time in life where you were preparing for something and you had this high expectation of what it would be. You dreamed of how things would go, you fantasied about how it would end, and when it finally comes, it falls very short of what you were expecting? How did you handle that? What do you do when your expectations don’t meet your reality. When you have high hopes but the results aren’t as high? How do you adjust when your dreams turn into a nightmare? In this episode I want to discuss how to handle it when reality is not quite as pretty as your expectations are and so I want to inspire you to get real.
So, I know you’ve seen the funny youtube videos where people are showing what they expect…then it flashes to a reality that looks much different from the expectation. Whether it’s the reality of the joys of motherhood, the reality of taking care of natural hair (trust me, it’s not as easy as it looks), or the reality of going on a fitness journey and dieting. Often times our expectations aren’t met and while it’s funny to watch on youtube, it’s not funny when you’re going through it in real life.
Disappointments happen…to all of us. We expect things to go one way, expected things to happen a certain way and when they don’t meet our expectations we become disappointed. And that is natural. But honestly, sometimes there are some disappointments that are a little harder to handle than others.
So what about you? Is that promotion that you hoped for living up to your expectations? Is that relationship living up to the expectation that you dreamed of? What about that business? You had this fantasy about how great it was going to be to be your own boss and make your own hours and make all that money and then reality sets in and you see that it’s a lot of hard work. You have to pay the cost to be the boss and sometimes the cost is sleepless nights, sacrifice, and even more money.
So what do you do and how to you handle it when the thing that you have been dreaming of and had these high expectations for don’t happen the way you thought. When you’re disappointed. What do you do when reality isn’t as beautiful, as peaceful, as profitable, as glamorous? Well, I’m going to give you a few tips because I do have some experience in this area, lol. Let’s talk about a few mindset shifts and actions you can take to help you when it feels like your expectations and reality are not on the same page.
So the first step to dealing with expectations versus reality is to make sure that you set realistic expectations. If we are honest with ourselves, we will probably see that the “let down” about reality that we are experiencing is our own fault. Most of the times, we set ourselves up by not setting realistic expectations. I don’t know how many times on this podcast I’ve mentioned the importance of setting realistic timelines and goals…and they are mentioned over and over for a reason. If you start with realistic expectations, the likelihood that you’ll be disappointed will decrease. And when setting those expectations it’s important to be clear and have an understanding that things may not go as planned. That’s the important thing to remember when setting your expectations to begin with. You have to be realistic and flexible, fully understanding that life can be unpredictable and things may not go the way we hoped. So in order to set realistic expectations you may need to do some research. Get some facts, because if you base your expectations off of feelings, you are setting yourself up for a possible let down. For example: Let’s say I start a business and I set the expectation that by the end of the year I’ll make a million dollars. Now if this expectation is set based on my feelings of oh I just know this is gonna be great or feelings that this is a really good idea, but it’s not based off of any facts then I’m setting my self up for reality to not meet my expectations. But if I base my expectations off of facts, research, market numbers, business strategy, trends in the market, ect. Then my expectations may look more like having a goal of making 100K for the year instead of a million. I can even give you a personal example of this that I’m sure many of you may relate to. When it came time for me to graduate with my bachelor’s in psychology I had this expectation of what career I would have immediately and how my life would be. Now, this expectation was created by what I saw on tv, and what I had envisioned being a psychologist would be like. But it was failure on my part by not doing actual research and finding out what the career really entailed. If I had done my research I would have realized that in order to reach my expectations I had to do years and years more of schooling. So when reality hit and after graduation I was making 11.00 and hour working at day care and I was frustrated with my reality, I had to be honest and realize that this was my fault for setting unrealistic expectations. I’m sure some of you right now are in careers or jobs you don’t enjoy because you set up unrealistic expectations for it based on feelings and not facts. Now it doesn’t have to stay this way. It took some time, but eventually I got on the right track, and you can too. Guys sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. We can cause ourselves to feel pressure and frustration because we don’t set realistic expectations from the jump. So be sure that when you begin a new journey, start a new task, or take a pivot in life that you are real with yourself as to how things may go and set realistic expectations.
The second thing I want you to do is stop comparing. First go back and listen to the comparison kills episode (#7) and listen to it, then apply it. Many of us based our expectations off of someone else’s reality. And you have to realize that their reality may not be your reality, and that’s ok. But if that’s what you expect, you are again possibly setting yourself up to be disappointed. A friend of mine were talking about this and the perfect example we discussed what the snap back after having a baby. It’s a thing now where people, mostly celebrities or pusdo-celebrities are posting pictures of themselves days after giving birth looking like they just ran a mile and lifted weights. I mean there is no baby weight and they actually look smaller than they did before they even got pregnant. Now this may be your reality, and if so, kudos to you, it’s dangerous mentally to compare yourself to others and expect to get with they have when 1. You don’t know what they did to get it. 2. You don’t know what they are sacrificing to keep it. And 3. You don’t know if they’re even happy with what they have. My snap back with nice, but I had my last child 4 years ago and I still feel like I’m carrying some of that baby weight. That’s not my reality. And that’s ok. Guys, I know it’s easy to compare yourself to others, but I need to you check your self, and do it often, to ensure that you aren’t going through life disappointed because you are setting your expectations according to what other people have and not off of your own reality. Stay focused on your life. Become satisfied in your lane and work within it that way your expectations will be more likely to meet your reality.
The 3rd and final thing I want you to do is remain positive. I want you to ask yourself…are things really as bad as they seem? Or am I just in my feelings? Often times, when our expectations don’t meet our reality all we can see is the negative. But if we step back for a moment, we’ll realize that we still have so much to be thankful for and often times that experience is needed. Let’s go back to that job I thought was going to be my dream job. It was a bummer and I felt like I had wasted 6 months of my life, but now I am so thankful for that experience because without it I would not have known that that particular career wasn’t for me. I was considering getting another masters in that area. Without that experience I would have gone back to school, paid all of that money and spent all of that time only to get the job and hate it. So sometimes those reality checks are needed to protect your future. Let’s flash back right quick to when you were a kid. Remember when Christmas or your birthday would roll around and you had that one toy or thing you’d asked for. Maybe that particular year, for whatever reason you expected this toy, but in reality, you didn’t get it. Now that sucked and you were probably disappointed. But, even though you didn’t get that toy, you still were flooded with other gifts and love from others and that was enough to be thankful for. That is what we have to do now. Yes, motherhood is very different from what you expected, but thank God you have the child and the opportunity to be a mom. Yes, marriage is a lot harder than you expected, but thank God that he gave you someone who will love you unconditionally that you can grow old with. Yes, this career is not meeting your expectations, but thank God that you are able to provide for yourself in every capacity in your life. Stay positive. Hunt the good stuff. And then remain hopeful that the future will be better and brighter not because you feel like it, but you will be intentional in your actions and ensure that it will be.
So there you have it guys. Those are my tips for dealing with expectations versus reality: set realistic expectations, don’t compare, and remain positive. So I hope that you feel inspired to help your expectations and reality correlate by setting realistic expectations, to remember that your reality doesn’t have to match someone else’s reality in order for it to be great, and that even when things don’t go as planned, there’s always a reason to be thankful. So until next time stay encouraged and inspire someone else along the way.