So, per usual, let me share something that I’ve been recently dealing with. So, in about a week I’ll be a vendor at a conference in DC, the Momference which is a conference for women of color. There are going to be some awesome guest speakers and panels and I’m fortunate that my business, McLaurin Mental Wellness, will be on full display at this conference. I’m excited yall, but I’m also sooo nervous. I know that I’m not the only vendor there so it will be important for me to do something different in order to garner the attention I need, but someone who has a history of being a wall flower and I kinda enjoy being a wall flower, the thought of putting myself out there even more is kinda scary. So I took to Instagram and polled you guys and asked if any of you prefer to stay in the background versus being out front and 60% of you said you are good without the attention. I feel yall, but there comes a time in life where you have to, no, you NEED to take a deep breath and step to the front. So for this episode I want to discuss social anxiety, talk about ways to feel more comfortable being in the spot light, and inspire you to Stand Out!
So lets talk about what fear, worry, and even social anxiety can look like for some people, then we’ll discuss how to handle it. So everyone handles nervousness differently. Some people aren’t easily nervous and with just a few words of self-encouragement they are good to go. Others even thrive off the adrenaline of doing something nerve-wrecking. Then there’s people like me who get sweaty palms, has a slightly elevated heart-rate, and even gets butterflies in the tummy. Now there is nothing wrong with being nervous, even on this level. I’ve gotten nervous whenever I’m about to do something big or something that requires me to stand out, but the main thing to understand is that I was able to DO IT ANYWAY. Despite the sweaty palms, the tummy rumbles, and even some “what if” thoughts, I’ve been able to put it aside and push ahead. But how? Well, as a kid I had no other choice, lol. My parents MADE me do it and saying no wasn’t an option (thanks mom and dad) so I just had to get over it. And fortunately, the more you do something, the easier it becomes. That doesn’t mean you never get nervous, it just means you’re able to overcome your feelings more easily. This is why I constantly tell my clients and others that the best way to overcome fear is to just do it. So what about you? Do you feel any of these symptoms when it’s time for you to present at work, when it’s time for you to speak up in a crowded room, when it’s time for you to make a decision that may leave people scratching their head, when it’s time for you to STAND OUT, how do you respond?
Now while I’m sure some of you can relate to getting the nervous jitters, I’m also certain that there are some of you out there who are go through something more serious when it’s time to stand out. I’m talking about difficulty breathing, feeling dizzy, shaking, sweating, fast heart rate, upset stomach, and more all due to the thought of having to stand out. This is what social anxiety can look like for some. Having many of these symptoms can make it seem impossible to do something such as speak in public, be assertive toward others, make new friends, or even go out on a date. The fear can be paralyzing and for those who have many of the social anxiety symptoms therapy is highly recommended because trying to overcome this alone can be daunting.
So I want you to take a moment and ask yourself…what am I not doing because I’m afraid of standing out? What goals have you hidden deep within your heart and you won’t let see the light of day because of fear and anxiety? What dreams to you cast aside because they would require to put yourself out there? What message or testimony haven’t you told because you are too nervous of what other’s will think? What decision haven’t you made because you’re worried about doing something new? Are you robbing yourself of having the life you want and deserve because of anxiety and fear?
Now after you answer the questions of what aren’t you doing due to fear of standing out, I want you to also ask yourself what things ARE you doing due to being afraid of standing out? What are you doing each day that is contributing to you staying in the same spot, not moving forward toward your purpose? Take inventory of your decisions and ask yourself…am I doing this because I want to or because I’m afraid to do something else?
Guys, if your answer to these questions leads to a realization that you’ve let fear run you…don’t worry, you aren’t alone! That’s many people’s story. This is why so many people live with the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s in life…and I don’t want that to be anyone under the sound of my voice. Take it from me…I’m what many would call a “scary person.” I heir on the side of being anxious and I have a history of being a worrier. I’ve been that way since I was a kid…but even with all of that I’m still working toward being fearless and pushing myself to stand out. I’m standing out with my business. I’m standing out with the podcast. I’ve closed doors that were very comfortable for me in order to stand out and do something different. Something that is bigger than even me.
So let get to the how? How can you do this? How do you stand out despite all the feelings of fear, worry, and anxiety that may be plaguing you? Well let me give you a few tips on how to do this. And these tips are just the tip of the iceberg. To really get deep down into the root of these feelings you can go to the McLaurin Mental Wellness website and we can get to work on it and the information can then be tailored to your specific issues, concerns, and goals.
So, my first tip decreasing the anxiety is to monitor and control your thoughts. If yall remember last week’s episode the interview with Kamilah Staggers who is 2 time cancer survivor one of her prayers was “God help me to control my mind so that my mind isn’t in control of me.” This short prayer is a powerful one because it is full of the understanding that all of the emotions begin with a thought and if you can control what you are thinking, you can then control your emotions. So you must become aware of what you are saying to yourself and ensure that you are affirming the right thing. If it’s time for you to speak and all that’s running through your mind is how you’re gonna sound dumb, and how you hope you don’t stutter, and how no one cares what you have to say…you just gave every negative emotion in your body permission to act the fool because of your negative thoughts. So I encourage you to be intentional with your thinking. If necessary write down affirmations that you repeat to yourself over and over to drown out the negative thoughts.
Now my next tip is to practice. Experience is the best teacher and for many people with anxiety, the best way to combat it is to experience what you are afraid of. Because the hope is that you’ll see, that it’s not as bad as you thought. For many people, the fear comes from a place of uncertainty and “what if.” And the only way to debunk a what if is to actually do it. So practice. If you’re afraid of speaking…start by speaking out loud in the mirror to yourself. Then bump it up a notch and speak to a small group you can trust like your family or close friends. Volunteer to speak at church in small way. Constantly work your way up to being able to do that thing you desire to do. But if you never try, you’ll never get better, and the anxiety will have a more difficult time decreasing. So whatever it is that you want to stand out and do, see if there are ways you can practice doing it in order to help you see that the fear isn’t necessary. The world didn’t end. You’re still alive and well so there’s no need to worry.
My next tip is to remember your why. Why do you want or need to stand out? I’ll use this conference for example. I need to stand out for my business and to help even more women become fearless. If I don’t stand out, who will help them? So that’s my why. I have to keep that in mind and it helps me realize that pushing aside the fear and doing it anyway is worth it. So what’s your why? I had a client who had some social anxiety symptoms and she was very nervous to speak in front of people. She was very conscious of her accent and was nervous about what she calls “sounding dumb” in front of others. She was in school and had classes where she could practice talking in front of others but she was afraid to volunteer. So we had to discuss her why? Why do you need to overcome this? Why do you need to be ok with standing out? And her why was that she wanted to be a lawyer. It was essential for her to be comfortable talking if she was to reach her dream. Remember and constantly reminding herself of her why…being a lawyer, helping others…is what pushed her to do it scared, and by doing so she realized that she wasn’t a bad speaker at all. She had more to learn, but she was able to jump over the first hurdle. So what’s your why? Why do you need to quit that job? Why do you need to stand out and go back to school? Why do you need to start that blog? Why do you need to start that foundation? Who’s counting on you? When you become afraid, remember your why. My why keeps me publishing these podcasts every Monday for yall. My why keeps my working for my business, even when I’m about to do something that feels scary. My why pushes me to do it anyway. It pushes me to stand out when I’m very comfortable fading in the background.
So as you go about your week I want you to ask yourself…are you standing out the way God intended you to? Are you doing what you were created for? Are you doing what is important? And if not what fear is stopping you? What symptoms of anxiety are keeping you back? I want you to write down your why and be honest with yourself about what ways you need to stand out so that your true purpose can be reached.
So I hope that you feel inspired to step out into the forefront and do the work you were born to do, to keep your thoughts in check so that anxiety doesn’t take over, and to push through the fear and stand out anyway because that is the true definition of being fearless.
So until next time stay encouraged and inspire someone else along the way.